so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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