I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
