If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
