textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
