she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
