im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Actions speak louder than pants.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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