mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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