i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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