She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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