so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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