I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
