Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
