he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
