We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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