I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
