4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
