I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
