mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
