Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
