1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
