got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
