Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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