My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
