i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
