By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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