The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
