Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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