Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
