i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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