and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think a kid would responsible me up
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
