i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
