things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
