my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
