we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
