Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize