Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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