I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
