dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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