i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
