dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
