There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
