when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
