i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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