i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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