booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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