I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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