Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
