I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
