She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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