I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
