Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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