We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
