I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
