Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
