he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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