rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
