I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
