it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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