i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
