i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
