I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
