I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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