Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
