He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize