My first STD was from a foam party
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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