Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize