he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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