i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My vagina is very pro this idea
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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