So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Your shirt... Was in my pants
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
